Well I am back in turmoil, I turned down the opertunity to follow through on my fantasy, but after trying with my wife just for a normal releationship in regards to affection alone sex a side I am stuck in limbo.
A while I have been trying to talk to her and get her to understand I don't just need sex all the time, I need the affection first that should go before it, how ever I have tried to understand and let her have her way and not push or even be seen to be pushing for cuddles or anything else, I have hit the wall.
I get the feeling now that she could go for the rest of her life with out ever giving or needing a cuddle again.
So as far as I go with sex I don't know it does happen but there is no feeling from her, it is like a chore for her and it has to be completed within a specified time or something.
Now that I have still got such strong feelings for what I yearn for in regards to my fantasies, I need to follow them through even more now.
I have stayed away in vain from my desires to stop myself but can not beat them back.
I have to do it to know. Then knowing might be the thing that forces me to stop just accepting my life the way it is.
I need to know, I will never do anything to hurt her but I am sick of hurting myself now, at my age!!