Long day 2

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Long day 2

by CCBD100 @ 2009-03-23 – 23:38:22

Well I am back in turmoil, I turned down the opertunity to follow through on my fantasy, but after trying with my wife just for a normal releationship in regards to affection alone sex a side I am stuck in limbo.
A while I have been trying to talk to her and get her to understand I don't just need sex all the time, I need the affection first that should go before it, how ever I have tried to understand and let her have her way and not push or even be seen to be pushing for cuddles or anything else, I have hit the wall.
I get the feeling now that she could go for the rest of her life with out ever giving or needing a cuddle again.
So as far as I go with sex I don't know it does happen but there is no feeling from her, it is like a chore for her and it has to be completed within a specified time or something.

Now that I have still got such strong feelings for what I yearn for in regards to my fantasies, I need to follow them through even more now.
I have stayed away in vain from my desires to stop myself but can not beat them back.
I have to do it to know. Then knowing might be the thing that forces me to stop just accepting my life the way it is.

I need to know, I will never do anything to hurt her but I am sick of hurting myself now, at my age!!
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- life. loves

5 Comments to Long day 2

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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2009-03-24 @ 07:43:12
I went through such similar emotional (and physical) turmoil at a similar age to you. The action I took (i.e. fulfilling my fantasies until they became realities, and at the same time sticking with my marriage) has meant that I have had the best of both world's. It is a high risk strategy, and even for me after all this time could come crashing down. And it is not without collateral damage which I regret deeply.

Right now I can empathise with the misery of there seeming to be no path.

The poem on my profile 'Starting it Small' was written at the very bleakest moments.
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- brokendownangel ^Pro
- 2009-03-24 @ 08:33:00
If you really believe that your wife will never even be affectionate with you then how can you stay? Sex, most of us could manage without it, but not affection. Otherwise all you are sharing is an address. I would get couples counselling and if that doesn't work, talk about moving on and both of you finding what you want in life. Life is far too short to spend it with the wrong person and unhappy xx
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2009-03-24 @ 21:12:34
Angel,
I'm sorry if it sounds cruel but it seems to me your wife doesn't love you. I thought you had problems because she wasn't responsive to the SM stuff, but if she demonstrates not a shred of affection towards you even in the conventional sense of the word, then - take it from me, I know what I am saying - she feels nothing for you.

I am really really sorry to be saying that but it is beyond any doubt in my mind based on how you described her interactions with you. Question is do you love her enough for both of you? Or perhaps there are children involved.
- - CCBD100
  - 2009-03-24 @ 23:31:09
  Please don't apolgise for your point of view. I deeply beleive you are wrong or maybe I will myself to believe that you are wrong. We do talk and get on but sometimes it does feel like a knife edge I walk.
  I do deeply love her and don't like myself for having the feelings I do have for needing the needs and wants I have.
  I have my children as well and would never do anything to hurt them that is for sure. I ensure they are getting the things and life I never had.
  One thing for sure we do not row fight or ever have raised voices at all. It is not in that we do it out of ear shot of the children we just don't do it at all. Which sometimes I thing we maybe should as it might give us some passion back into our lifes.
  I just dont know, I do sometimes wonder if it is just a way of life for us and it is easy for us to stay the way we are rather than change.
  I sometimes wonder if she feels she has no option but stay with me as she does not work or even need to work, but surely I must be right that she does love me, but I shouldn't have to ask her to sit with me or cuddle me, that does push me away as I feel it is forced if I have to ask.
  
  The SM is so far down the list between me and her it does not get mentioned anymore, I would just be happy to have more that a five min of love making when she feels she wants to which can soemtimes be once or twice maybe in a three week period.
  I know that being married with kids it is not easy, but more than once a week is a must for me really and it is hard.
  And that is without my want of BDSM.
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- loopylovesdogs
- 2009-09-05 @ 17:06:39
all i can say is wow, that is exactly how i feel about my husband, he's 22 yrs older than me and im very lucky if i get sex out of him (sometimes i feel as if im begging him for it) and i love cuddles they are the best, being held by someone who loves you, making you feel safe, well i dont get those much either only if i ask and dont get me started on kisses, i only get a full snog if we are having sex other wise its a 1 second (if im lucky) kiss on the lips. i hope things work out for you, message me if you want to talk as it sounds like we are going through the same sort of things. x
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Long day 2
by CCBD100 on 2009-03-23 – 23:38:22
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5 Comments to Long day 2

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